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The following is a transcription-via-spell from questioning sessions involving the individuals responsible for the events taking place at Mayor Mare's residence and the Heavenly Hooves Day Spa. Ms. JELLY DONUT is the recorder (and ardent admirer of our boys in blue), and all actions are taken from her own observations as well as those of fellow policeponies. Police dialogue was added later during the compilation of these reports to give a more complete view of events of that night. All swear words have been edited out to spare our wonderful Princess' sensitive eyes from vulgar police dialogue.



[RECORDER'S NOTE: Sergeant SILVER SHIELD is a tall, blue-coated unicorn stallion of athletic build and close-cropped black mane, cutie mark is of a pair of handcuffs. It is this recorder's opinion that he is a total hunk.]

SILVER SHIELD: "This is Sergeant Silver Shield of Ponyville Police Department speaking with the individual known as Gilda T. Griffon regarding the events surrounding the destruction of Mayor Mare's bathroom, along with several other pieces of public and private property and associated charges. Now, Miss Griffon, would you care to add your version of events to the record?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Yeah. There's no 'T.' in my name. It's just Gilda Griffon."

SILVER SHIELD: "Anything else you'd care to add?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Does it look like I wanna talk to you, chief? I'm freakin' cuffed to the table."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Subject 'GILDA GRIFFON' is a juvenile griffon just recently of majority age. Her plumage is mousy and tattered, her coat dirt brown, and acted like a total [REDACTED] when this recorder was only asking for her name.]

SILVER SHIELD: "Is that all?

[RECORDER'S NOTE: No. I'd like to take her place being cuffed to Silver's table.]

GILDA GRIFFON: "I know how this works, buster. I've got my rights as an Equestrian citizen. I don't have to talk if I don't wanna say anything."

SILVER SHIELD: "Then you don't want to answer any of the charges against you. Not one of the counts of…" *shuffling papers* "Three counts of destruction of public property, five counts of destruction of private property, two counts of interrupting a citizen while engaged in ablutions—"


SILVER SHIELD: "Interrupting someone taking a bath."

GILDA GRIFFON: "…there's actually a law against that?"

SILVER SHIELD: "It's an old law. I use it on my sister's kids all the time."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Heh. I'll have to remember that."

SILVER SHIELD: "I'll continue. A dozen counts of disturbing the peace, and two counts of public indecency."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Ugh. Geez, don't remind of that. I still don't know why I thought pretending to be a ghost in front of a drunk was a good idea. Still, at least he got a good show. Kind of impressive since no one around here wears clothes."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Eeewwwww…]

GILDA GRIFFON: "Wait a second, two?"

SILVER SHIELD: "Yes. You've also been accused of corruption of a minor."


SILVER SHIELD: "A filly by the name of 'Scootaloo'. Do you know this filly?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Well duh. She's only like, my best friend. What's this crap about 'corruption of a minor'?"

SILVER SHIELD: "You were seen with her late at night behind Heavenly Hooves Day Spa in a heavy coat, a suspicious hat, an even more suspicious package, and have been charged with performing highly questionable activities." *rustle of uniform across studly chest as SS leans toward GILDA GRIFFON* "Miss Griffon, I'm here to help you. I don't believe that last charge and I can help you get free of it. But you have to return the favor and tell me what happened."

GILDA GRIFFON: "…you're good."

SILVER SHIELD: "Thank you."

GILDA GRIFFON: *sigh* "This is being recorded, right?"

SILVER SHIELD: "It is. But remember you still have the right to refuse to speak to me."

GILDA GRIFFON: "I know. But whatever. Anything I tell some prissy-pants lawyer is gonna get twisted around and used against me, so I might as well get it in official writing."

SILVER SHIELD: "It doesn't quite work that way, but go ahead."

GILDA GRIFFON: *sigh* "Let's get this over with…"


[RECORDER'S NOTE: The following takes place at the same time as this questioning session; between Officer FRESH FACE (a slate grey earth pony with a fat demeanor and a boxing glove cutie mark), and Sergeant LICKETY-SPLIT (a sharp-tongued earth pony with an ice cream cone cutie mark who has been with the department since before I was born). Location is Ponyville PD Interrogation Observation Room, adjacent to all three of Ponyville PD's questioning areas via mirrored glass.]

FRESH FACE: "So why am I watching this again?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: *wipes ice cream from upper lip* "Because Silver's a good cop, and you always wanna play 'bad-cop'. Except playing 'bad-cop' only works in movies."

FRESH FACE: "Hey it works, doesn't it? So what if a perp gets a black eye in the process? It gets the job done."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "No it doesn't, because then I've gotta pull your fat [REDACTED] out of there because you keep roughing up suspects and screwing things up for us. Confessions made under duress aren't admissible, butter-boy."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Ehehehe. 'Butter-Boy'. It's funny because he's fat.]

FRESH FACE: "Well, yeah. I know that…"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Just watch them, rookie. Maybe you'll learn something and get through your probation with your badge in one piece."


[RECORDER'S NOTE: The following session involves Ponyville hero RAINBOW DASH, and has been included at this point to give clarity for later events. Her involvement in this issue is unfortunate, as her record of service to Ponyville is long and storied. Her questioner is SILVER SHIELD's equally-hunky twin brother, Sergeant BLUE LINE, who is also a unicorn. His cutie mark is a policepony's badge.]

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Make outline of the pros and cons of dating twins. Discard negatives.]

RAINBOW DASH: *rattling hoofcuffs* "Where's Gilda? I wanna talk to her! And tear her feathers out! I'm gonna murder-lize her! I'm gonna put my hoof so far up her [REDA—"

BLUE LINE: "Miss Dash! Please. I know you're upset but we need your cooperation to find out what went on."

RAINBOW DASH: "You bet we're gonna find out what happened, RIGHT AFTER I RIP HER BEAK OFF! I'll pound it outta her so hard she'll be eating through a straw! I'll—"

BLUE LINE: "Scootaloo's fine, by the way."

RAINBOW DASH: "Who? Oh, right. Yeah." *blows sigh* "Sorry. Got carried away. The last guy who was in here just got on my nerves. That grey guy. What kinda cop tries to punch a town hero, huh?"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Rainbow vs. Fresh Face? That must have been fun to see.]

RAINBOW DASH: "And another thing. Are the cuffs necessary? I mean, I'm not gonna be running off am I? Gotta respect the law, and all that."

BLUE LINE: "Yes, they are necessary. Now if we could get back to the original question."

RAINBOW DASH: "What question?"

BLUE LINE: "How are you?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Oh. Well besides a black eye and couple of bruised ribs I'm just peachy. Oh, and my pride's kinda stingin' because I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA APOLOGIZE! But no! She has to go and turn out to be some kind of… eugh, I can't even say it."

BLUE LINE: *sounds of jaw creaking* "This is something we're trying to clear up. Could you please go and tell us what happened to you?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Sure. So there I was—"

BLUE LINE: "Miss Dash please get down off of the desk or I will have to restrain you further."

RAINBOW DASH: "But how am I gonna tell it right if I can't do all the hoofmotions?"

BLUE LINE: "Please just… just tell it without the hoofmotions."

RAINBOW DASH: "Oh fine… but it's not gonna be awesome enough."

BLUE LINE: "I think we'll manage."

RAINBOW DASH: "Right, now as I was saying." *clearing of throat* "So there I was! I was in my bathtub when I figured 'hey, maybe I should give that backstabber Gilda another chance. She's cool, right?' Well, I go over to her house, since I heard she'd moved into Ponyville a couple weeks back. Still can't figure out why. I mean, not like there's much in the way of jobs for her here, right? And she's never liked weather-work. All the math made her dizzy, she told me. Good thing I was good enough for both of us. N-Not that I like something as geeky as math; I'm just awesome enough to… anyway. So I fly over to her house, but she's not there. Okay, cool. I'll wait a bit. Five minutes later, I'm bored, so I go looking for her, and a good thing I did! I caught the [REDACTED] flashing her goodies at some old guy, and then Scootaloo walks up and she does it again!"

BLUE LINE: "Which is why you tried to levy a charge of corruption of a minor against her?"

RAINBOW DASH: "I'd rather punch her beak in!"

BLUE LINE: "I know the feeling. Now if you could contin—"

RAINBOW DASH: "That's just disgusting, right? Would you want your kids hanging around someone flashing ponies in darkened alleyways?"

BLUE LINE: "Well no—"

RAINBOW DASH: "And how do you even do that, anyway? Nobody wears clothes, so you've gotta be some kinda pervo to pull that off."


LICKETY-SPLIT: "Wow. Poor guy."

FRESH FACE: "Hah! So is this how I should handle things Sarge? She's walkin' all over him!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: *through a mouthful of hot fudge sundae* "Sdill doingh bhedder dhen yhou, jhunior."


GILDA GRIFFON: "I was… geez, how do I explain this. Yeah, I was meeting her back there. It was her idea, honest. Well, not the spa. That was mine. The coat and hat, was hers. And meeting her at night was mine. The uh... the old guy was my fault. …I'm just digging myself deeper, aren't I?"

SILVER SHIELD: "I was about to offer you a shovel."


SILVER SHIELD: "You were doing an admirable job of digging yourself into a hole, there. Anyway, please continue."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Jeez… look. I wasn't back there flashing ponies, but I was meeting her. I… Well…" *passes a sharp, wicked-looking claw through her head-feathers* "I'm gonna have to go back a ways to tell this right."

SILVER SHIELD: "I have nothing but time, Miss Griffon."


FRESH FACE: "How is Line better than me? I can at least get the perp to stay on topic."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "He lhishens. Yhou jhushd—" *gulp* "You just bluster and rant and threaten. And they're not 'perps'. Nothin's been proved yet."

FRESH FACE: "We caught them in the act! There were witnesses! Well-known and well-regarded witnesses! Those two are guilty and you know it!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "There's a thing called 'due-process', kiddo. You wanna be a vigilante, go sign on with Mare-Do-Well. Just leave the actual criminals to professionals. Now where's my flask?"

FRESH FACE: "Here. What's in that thing, anyway? You carry it everywhere."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "A&W's Finest Root Beer Float. Now shut up and watch."


RAINBOW DASH: "Look. I care about the kid, really. She's my friend, and I gotta look out for her. I know I've been kinda keepin' my distance lately, since she does this weird stalker thing where she sits out in front of your door and breathes heavily. And there's the whole fangirl thing. I mean last summer I tossed an apple core away and she carries it off like it was made of gold or something. I mean, I know I'm awesome, but come on. Creeeeepyyyyy."

BLUE LINE: "Of course."

RAINBOW DASH: "She's been getting less creepy, though. I can actually get my mail now without fighting Scootaloo for it. Which is good. I mean, I love attention, who doesn't? But she just goes overboard sometimes."

BLUE LINE: "You were saying about the events leading up to you fighting Miss Griffon in Mayor Mare's bathtub?"

RAINBOW DASH: "I don't know why, but I thought Gilda might have something to do with it. She was cool, y'know? Even when we fought, she was still cool. Scoots even talked about her a couple times. AND THEN SHE GOES STALKING LITTLE GIRLS IN BACK ALLEYS IN A CREEPER OUTFIT AND FLASHING OLD PEOPLE!"

BLUE LINE: "Ma'am, I—"

RAINBOW DASH: "I mean come on! I thought we could be cool again and she does that?"

BLUE LINE: "If you could just—"

RAINBOW DASH: "But it just goes to show what happens when you think you know a gal. …jeez, I feel so stupid."

BLUE LINE: "This is gonna be a long night…"

RAINBOW DASH: *rattling handcuffs* "Well I'm not going anywhere soon. You should really stay on topic. It's kinda unprofessional to just jump off on tangents, y'know?"

BLUE LINE: *audible grinding of teeth*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Shhh… shhh… Don't worry, Blue Line. I'll make it all better. Just you wait.]


FRESH FACE: "Now I just feel sorry for the guy."

LICKETY-SPLIT: *sipping from her root beer float flask* "Line's got a lot to learn, but not as much as you. He's getting somewhere with her, watch."

FRESH FACE: "Sarge, you need to lay off the ice cream. That [REDACTED] ain't healthy for you."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Where do you get off telling me I have a [REDACTED] ice cream problem, squirt? I'm old enough to be your grandmother, and I've been eating ice cream since before your parents even thought about making you."

FRESH FACE: "I'm just sayin'!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Well don't. Got enough problems from my kids telling me to cut back, I don't need my partner doing it, too. Now move aside, fat-[REDACTED], I've got a kid to talk to."


[RECORDER'S NOTE: The following is from the questioning session for SCOOTALOO. She was held only for her testimony and insight into the individuals RAINBOW DASH and GILDA GRIFFON. Her questioner is Sergeant LICKETY-SPLIT, who really needs to admit she has an ice cream problem.]

LICKETY-SPLIT: *opening door and muttering* "Stupid [REDACTED]'s not gonna get me fired, not this close to retirement… Hi sweetie!"

SCOOTALOO: "Uh, hi officer-ma'am. Are Rainbow and Gilda okay?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "They're just fine, honey. Do you know why you're here?"

SCOOTALOO: "Because I caught the Mayor and Miss Hooves doing something naughty?"


SCOOTALOO: "Because Apple Bloom and I are smugglers?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "No, sweetie-pie. You're here because we want to hear what happened to you tonight. Now, are you doing okay? How's your eye?"

SCOOTALOO: "Yeah! I'm doing great. It hurts a little, but it's okay. Mr. Blue Line brought me soda and cupcakes and helped me take all the spitballs out of my fur. I think I still have some glitter on me, though."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Oh my, my hunky sergeants are so wonderful with kids, aren't they? I wonder…]

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Wasn't that nice of him? Now tell me, lamby-kins. What happened tonight?"

SCOOTALOO: "Well, I was just getting back from our big fight with Spike when I remembered that I was supposed to meet Gilda tonight behind the spa, which was really dark and no one could see anything except her, since she's got eagle eyes!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Did she say why you were supposed to meet her there, dearie?"

SCOOTALOO: "Hmm… oh yeah! It was to hide from the pigs."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "The pigs?"

SCOOTALOO: "You know! The po-po! The fuzz! You guys!"


SCOOTALOO: "So anyway, I went back there and she's got her coat open already, which is kinda unprofessional if you ask me, but she's older so I didn't say anything. And then Rainbow Dash swoops in outta nowhere and knocks me flat and says 'GET AWAY FROM HER!' It was so, cool. I can't describe how awesome it was!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "And that's where you got your black eye?"

SCOOTALOO: "Huh? No, I got that from Spike. He's a lot better in a fight than we thought."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Ms. Sparkle's assistant?"

SCOOTALOO: "That's him."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "What were you and Gilda doing behind the spa, little bit?"

SCOOTALOO: "She was gonna 'give me the goods', if you know what I mean. Heh heh. That's smuggling talk. I learned it from Miss Twilight's old movies that Spike showed us."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "'Give you the goods?' Could you be more specific, lambycakes?"

SCOOTALOO: "Yeah. She had somethin' real good she wanted to give me, but I couldn't tell anyone."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "…o-oh dear."


[RECORDER'S NOTE: Bleugh. I have to look away. Back to Miss Griffon and how amazing SILVER SHIELD is.]

GILDA GRIFFON: "It was a birthday present for Rainbow. I had a photo of us from the last time she was in school framed and was gonna give it to her myself, but our fight last summer put the kibosh on that. So I asked Scootaloo to do it."

SILVER SHIELD: "Why were you behind Heavenly Hooves Day Spa?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Because the little idiot's been watching too many old detective movies and wanted to do the handoff like those old black and whites. It was silly, but hey, I like the kid. She's cool. So I figure why not? So I put on some ratty old coat and hat I had laying around and went to meet her."

SILVER SHIELD: "How do you know Scootaloo?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Like I said, she's my friend. And I kind of share a place with her and her uncle. And I was getting to that part." *sigh* "It started back about a year ago. I'd been outta school and flight camp for a while, and Rainbow's [REDACTED]hole pops finally kicked the bucket. Just up and croaks from a burst vessel in his head right in my apartment trying to get me to tell him where Rainbow was. I told her about it, and we agree to meet once I got settled someplace new, which took a while to set up. School's hard enough without looking for a new place."

SILVER SHIELD: "I'm sorry you had to see him die."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Don't be. He was a complete nutcase."

SILVER SHIELD: "I see. How did you come to Ponyville?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Well I had to quit my job because apparently there was nowhere else in Cloudsdale that'll rent an apartment to a student, and I wasn't gonna live in a place where a dead guy, y'know, died. Had to burn my favorite rug 'cause he [REDACTED] all over it when he went. Ugh. And since I could, or so I thought, move closer to my school now that I wasn't covering for Rainbow, I tried to find a place here. Biggest mistake I ever made…"

SILVER SHIELD: "That still doesn't explain how you met Scootaloo."

GILDA GRIFFON: "I'm getting to it! Keep your hat on! ANYWAY. As I was sayin', I swung by through town to scope out some new places to live, and of course to see Rainbow again. She's my best friend, so I gotta at least show my face, right? But then…" *bitter sigh* "Well, I guess ponies change on ya, don't they?"

SILVER SHIELD: "So it was you we saw flying out of Sugarcube Corner last summer? There was a call from there about an altercation between a griffon and several ponies."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Probably me, then…"

SILVER SHIELD: "You have my sympathies, then. I heard what went on. It can't have been easy for you."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Don't try and butter me up, pal. You've still got me in hoofcuffs. I don't do hoofcuffs. Not even in the bedroom."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: I don't mind if you hoofcuff me to the bed, Silver!]

SILVER SHIELD: "I'm sorry if that's how it came out. Please continue."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Anyhow… So now I can't move back to Cloudsdale because it's too expensive and far away and I can't live in Ponyville because Rainbow's a flip-flop and it'd be way too awkward trying to tippytalon around each other every day. It's already hard enough flying past there to Canterlot for school."

SILVER SHIELD: "Then where have you been staying?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "In a cave."


GILDA GRIFFON: "Yeah, but it doesn't feel like a cave. My buddy Harry fixed it up so nice it feels more like a house. He even fit an Hex-Box in there somehow. He lets me stay so long as I clean up and walk SCOOTALOO to school."

SILVER SHIELD: "How does… How does Harry know Scootaloo?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "He's her uncle, I think. An old friend of her family. No idea how that happened."

SILVER SHIELD: "Her uncle's a bear?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Yep. He's a bear alright."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Wait, there's a bear around here that lives in house-cave?]

SILVER SHIELD: "…continue."


FRESH FACE: "They're not actually related, are they? 'Cause that says so many weird things about Scootaloo's parents."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: …remind me to buy some mind-soap after this, Fresh.]

FRESH FACE: "I mean, jeez! I'm pretty progressive about interspecies dating, but a pony and a bear? That's just… all kinds of hot. Mmm."



RAINBOW DASH: "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just having a rough night, bro. I wake up earlier thinking, 'hey, maybe I should give my best friend another chance', only to find out she's some kinda sick freak who [REDACTED] to little fillies."

BLUE LINE: *rubbing his jaw* "That's not what we heard from Scootaloo."

RAINBOW DASH: "It's not? Whaddayou mean it's not? I saw it with my own two eyes! She had her coat open and was saying some weird junk about 'I got da goods little lady' and was reaching into it! I even heard that old goat Sweepy freaking out the whole time going 'take it off'!"

BLUE LINE: "I can't speak for Gilda, but I spoke with Scootaloo earlier. I found out that she's been a part of this 'Junior Mob' game that all the kids in town have been playing since school started. You might want to ask Pinkie Pie about it, since she's been the one running it. Hrk."

RAINBOW DASH: "Wait, Pinkie runs a… a kids game and… are you okay?"

BLUE LINE: "Yes. Thinking about Pinkie Pie just makes my ulcer throb. But she also helps keep the streets safe for kids by turning her 'speakeasy' into a safe house. Just in case there are creepers out there like you've accused Miss Griffon of being. Luckily there aren't any."

RAINBOW DASH: "So she's just—"

BLUE LINE: "And Sweepy hits the salt pretty hard."

RAINBOW DASH: "So then… she's not a pervert?"

BLUE LINE: "Not according to Scootaloo. But that's for the law to decide."


SCOOTALOO: "Me and Gilda are totally best buds! She's so cool, and my Uncle Harry thinks she's got a sweet [REDACTED], even if I haven't ever seen her with a donkey before. Are donkeys sweet?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: *gulping heavily from her flask* "They uh… usually are."

SCOOTALOO: "Cool! Maybe I should tell Miss Twilight, then. Because everyone says hers is tight. Maybe Gilda's [REDACTED] could give Miss Twilight's [REDACTED] some tips on loosening up, and not be so uptight about everything."

LICKETY-SPLIT: *turns her head to the side and spits root beer float everywhere.* "Scootaloo, honey, I don't think that's what they meant."

SCOOTALOO: "Oh. Well, anyway. Gilda and I are best buds. She moved in a couple months ago with my Uncle Harry."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "You live with your uncle now, right?"

SCOOTALOO: "Yeah. My stupid parents are always away on business, so I live with my uncle. He's cool enough I guess. But nowhere near as cool as Gilda or Rainbow Dash! They're both my idols, and I wanna grow up to be just like them some day! I've even got lion paw slippers and a rainbow wig so I can dress up like 'em for Nightmare Night!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "That's nice, sweetcakes. Please, tell me why you were in the alley with Gilda again?"

SCOOTALOO: "I already told you! I was supposed to meet my friend there so she could give me a present for Rainbow Dash, SHEESH. We were just playing a game to make it more fun by pretending to be gangsters."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Oh. …OH! Oh thank goodness. I had thought you'd said… Nevermind. It's not important, dearie. I'm just glad you're safe."

SCOOTALOO: "Of course I'm safe. Why wouldn't I be? Just because the two coolest people in the world are fighting doesn't mean I wouldn't be safe. Gilda would never hurt me or do anything bad to me. She's like… like a really cool sister. Or a mom who actually sticks around and tells you 'good job' and doesn't run all over the world on business trips all the time…"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Scootaloo? Sweetie? Is everything okay?"

SCOOTALOO: *sniff* "I'm okay. I'm just scared that I'm gonna have to choose between friends. Rainbow is the coolest pony ever, but I love Gilda, too."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Would you like to see them, darling?"

SCOOTALOO: "…are they gonna fight again?"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Oh my gosh I want to hug her.]

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Not if Sergeant Lickety-Split has anything to say, little bit. Come with me now."


FRESH FACE: *sniiiiiff*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Even if she does say the darnedest things, she is just the cutest little pony ever! We have to make sure these two make up with one another. Even if they have to go to jail to do it.]


GILDA GRIFFON:  "That's really about it. I wanted to give patching things up with Rainbow a shot, if only for the pipsqueak's sake since she talks about her non-stop. That and we'd end up meeting again eventually since I have to fly past the town when I go to school. So I found this old photo of us together and put it in a birthday present. Dash doesn't like to admit it, but she's a huge sap for things like that. I asked Scootaloo to give it to her, and she goes on and on about this silly 'mobsters' thing she's into and asks me to do it like gangsters are supposed to." *rolls eyes and smiles* "I can't hardly tell the kid no. She's like a little sister to me."

SILVER SHIELD: "So you weren't uh…"

GILDA GRIFFON: "'Showing off' in an alleyway? Well…"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Ew ew ew ew ew ew, she's going to tell us about her wrinkly old pony striptease isn't she?]

SILVER SHIELD: "…I'm listening. Even if I don't want to."

GILDA GRIFFON: "I dunno where the old dude came from, though. He rolls up with salt in his beard and… I'm still not sure if he asked me for a drink of water or called me one. He just walks up and starts trying to… I'm still not sure. I think he was trying to chat me up, but I couldn't understand a thing that old guy said. So to get him to shut up I uh… tried…"

SILVER SHIELD: "'Showing off in an alleyway'."

GILDA GRIFFON: "It sounds way more embarrassing when you say it."

SILVER SHIELD: "So you did flash Mr. Ol' Sweepy."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Well… geez. Yeah, I did. It was supposed to be a joke, with me going 'whoooo I am a ghooooost' and flapping my coat around which… kinda ended up being more a striptease than anything... I still have no idea why I thought that was a good idea, but it worked. I think. …[REDACTED]."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Must get trench coat for date with SILVER SHIELD and BLUE LINE.]

SILVER SHIELD: *looks at the pile of official paperwork on the table, then at Gilda's hoofcuffs* "Hmmm. How did you end up breaking through Mayor Mare's bathroom window?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "I dunno. Luck? It was a brawl. Anything coulda happened and I'd miss it. Why?"

SILVER SHIELD: "I see. I think we may be able to help you, then."


FRESH FACE: "[REDACTED]. There's girls doing weird things in alleyways? I miss all the good stuff in this town."


FRESH FACE: "Hey, I wonder if that griffon chick's single."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: As long as you're the one asking, then she's probably taken.]


SCOOTALOO: "Miss Sergeant? Where are we going?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "We're going to talk to Jelly Donut and see about getting your friends to share a holding cell so they can make up."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: I've already let REVOLVING DOOR know.]

SCOOTALOO: *GASP* Rainbow and Gilda are going to jail!?

LICKETY-SPLIT: "What? No! No, sweetie. Well… maybe."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: They did kinda destroy private property. That's worth at least community service and a fine.]

LICKETY-SPLIT: "We'll just have to see how mad the Mayor's feeling, dear."

SCOOTALOO: "I gotta hurry, then! They're gonna need shanks!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Wait, what?"

SCOOTALOO: "So they can shank a [REDACTED] in jail, duh! You gotta shank someone or you end up being someone's [REDACTED]."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "Where in the world did you learn such things, young lady?"

SCOOTALOO: *far too quickly* "Movies."


SCOOTALOO: "Yes, movies. And nowhere else."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "I'm getting too old for this…"

SCOOTALOO: "Hey, Miss Sergeant?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: *sigh* "Yes, dearie?"

SCOOTALOO: "What's a shank?"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: *facehoof*]


RAINBOW DASH: "Aw geez… I feel like such a tool, now."

BLUE LINE: "You should. And you're not the only one that thinks so. But I'm not going to judge you further. I'll leave that up to the law. What will happen I'm not sure, and I'm not going to make any promises."

RAINBOW DASH: "Yeah… *sniff* Thanks for that, I guess."

*knock at door, SILVER SHIELD enters*

SILVER SHIELD: "Line, bring her to Holding Cell Two when you're done here."

BLUE LINE: "Alright, I'm pretty much finished here."

RAINBOW DASH: "So I just wait until, what? Court date?"

BLUE LINE: "Unless someone posts bail for you, yes."

RAINBOW DASH: *sigh* "Fine. Take me away, boys."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Oh I wish they'd take me away…]


[RECORDER'S NOTE: The following dialogue was added from a clandestine recording session I did from a position near Holding Cell 2, where GILDA GRIFFON and RAINBOW DASH have been incarcerated pending bail or court. Mr. OL' SWEEPY is sleeping in a corner. I really hope these two end up okay. It'd be a terrible way to end a story like this if they didn't.]

*creak of rusty hinges as cell door slams shut. Keys rattle, door locks*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Bring oil can to work and do not stand near squeaky door hinges.]

REVOLVING DOOR: "And I don't wanna hear any yellin', cryin', bawlin', fightin' nor scrappin' while yer in my cells, got that missy?"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Sergeant REVOLVING DOOR is normally tasked with watching the holding cells; a job he thoroughly hates. He's a broad-shouldered unicorn with an open cell door for a cutie mark.]

RAINBOW DASH: "Yeah yeah, I got it."

REVOLVING DOOR: "Good!" *muttering*

*Extended silence as occupants of cell shuffle tensely*



*long, awkward silence*


GILDA GRIFFON: "I'm listening."

*longer, more awkward, silence*

RAINBOW DASH: "I gotta say…"

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Oh just spit it out already.]

RAINBOW DASH: "Gilda… I'm sorry. For everything."

GILDA GRIFFON: *folds paws behind her head and leans against wall* "And?"

RAINBOW DASH: "For calling you a pervert and trying to put your beak through a wall… How is that by the way?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Little loose, but fine. What else?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Uh… I'm sorry for running away in high school?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "No, we both know why you don't have to apologize for that. What else?"

RAINBOW DASH: "I'm sorry for almost getting you put in jail?"

GILDA GRIFFON: *sighs* "You don't get it, do you? Whatever. I'm taking a nap." *shuffling as she lays on side*

RAINBOW DASH: "Is this about Pinkie Pie?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Well gee. I dunno. Is it?"

RAINBOW DASH: "You know she had almost nothing to do with… with what happened. This is about…"

GILDA GRIFFON: "I think you're starting to get it."

RAINBOW DASH: *curls up on floor* "Yeah. This is about what I said at that party."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Bingo. Give the girl a prize."

RAINBOW DASH: "Gilda, geez. I'm so sorry about that."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Did you know that when you left your dad nearly had me arrested? I don't know how he convinced anyone, and it never stuck, but I've got it on my record now. Made getting into a good school a nightmare. Thankfully, when he tried hounding me through college it made my case look better because everything he said made him out to be a gigantic nutball."

RAINBOW DASH: "I… I can't even imagine what that must've been like."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Sure you can. He did it to you first. That's why I stuck it out in Cloudsdale for so long keepin' him occupied with rumors instead of movin' away like you. You needed to get away. I don't blame ya for that. Dude was poison."

RAINBOW DASH: "Yeah… thanks for that. I don't think I'd be here if you hadn't."

GILDA GRIFFON: "What I can't seem to wrap my head around is why you dropped me for that pink idiot."

RAINBOW DASH: "It wasn't supposed to be like that! We were all supposed to be friends. You, me, Pinkie, the rest. But… I dunno what happened. You went off on everyone."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Can ya blame be, Rainbow? The pink one's an idiot and the rest are hardly better. You're too good for this backwards burg and we both know it. You could be doing weather-work anywhere you wanted, and yet you chose here."

RAINBOW DASH: "Well… this place was Silver Lining's idea. He said he had a friend here who could help and he wasn't wrong. It was his idea to paint myself pink and blue and call myself 'Firefly', also..."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Whoa hold up, dude. You painted yourself like that dweeby comic-book hero?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Not my brightest idea, but it worked. I never saw my dad anywhere near Ponyville. Thanks for that… But I couldn't leave this place now, Gilda. Its home. I have friends here, and… I just wanted to share them with you."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Then why dump me after… what, a bad party? Did I not 'fit in' with your new friends? Did you forget who I am?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Of course not! I just… A lot happened. Some of it I'm not sure I'm even allowed to tell you. I… I don't know what happened at the party. I was mad at you for picking on my friends, but I shoulda seen what was going on."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Mmm. Hey Rainbow."


GILDA GRIFFON: "You don't get to call me that. Not yet."

RAINBOW DASH: "…sorry."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Why'd you think I was a pervert?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Come on, Gilda. You were wearing a skeezy coat and talking to a little girl in a dark alleyway. What was I supposed to think?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "I'd give you that, but we both know each other too well. Remember Gold Medal and Heavyweight? Remember how we pushed their faces in for doing pretty much the exact same thing you accused me of? Remember how many times we did it? [REDACTED], remember when they tried to do it to that Fluttershy chick you hung out with? So, did ya do it 'cause you were still mad at me?"

RAINBOW DASH: "I was mad at you, but not for—"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Were you trying to get me kicked out of school? Because that's probably what's gonna happen. Thanks for that, by the way."


GILDA GRIFFON: "Then what? How does that work, Rainbow? Where the [REDACTED] do you get off calling me some kinda pervert?"

RAINBOW DASH: "I don't know! I wasn't thinking, Gilda! I saw you in the alley and jumped to conclusions, I'm sorry!"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Yeah thanks for that. Hey Rainbow. Did you know when your dad kicked the bucket, he did it in my apartment?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Y-Yeah, you said something abou—"

GILDA GRIFFON: "I had to clean up dead-guy junk off the floor and get rid of my favorite rug. I almost had to drop a semester to move here. Do you know how hard Canterlot U is to get into?"


GILDA GRIFFON: "I coulda put up with it, too. I knew you were living it up in Ponyville and I was glad. I was glad, Rainbow. I wanted you to have a better life than what you did. Anything for a friend, right?"

RAINBOW DASH: *rubs at her eyes* "Gilda, stop. Please. I came to say I'm sorry. That's all I wanted to do. I'm sorry for what I said to you at the party. I'm sorry for accusing you. I'm sorry for being such a terrible friend!"

GILDA GRIFFON: "You're sorry huh? For dumping me after one bad day together?"

RAINBOW DASH: "Y-yeah. I can't believe I was so stupid… You were pretty rude but, you'd already been through so much for me and I… I forgot." *sniff* "Gilda… I don't wanna end it like this. You're the best friend I've ever had."

GILDA GRIFFON: *turns away, sniffs* "D-don't you ever forget again."


*pregnant silence filled with sniffing*


RAINBOW DASH: *snrfle sniff* "Yeah, Gilda?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "I'm sorry for bein' late but… happy birthday."

RAINBOW DASH: *laughter mixed with crying* "Th-thanks, G."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Yeah, whatever…"

RAINBOW DASH: "…are we cool again?"

GILDA GRIFFON: *nods, obviously trying to hide a smile* "We're cool."

*RAINBOW DASH throws herself at GILDA GRIFFON and wraps the latter up in a huge hug. This recorder is vainly attempting not to cry. Ol' Sweepy is on a nearby bench, crying.*

*Gilda is the first to pull away and wipes her eyes on forepaw. This recorder uses notepad as tissue.*

GILDA GRIFFON: "Hey…" *rasping cough* "Ugh. Hey, Dash."


GILDA GRIFFON: "It's good t'see you again."

RAINBOW DASH: *sniff* "You too, G. And…"


RAINBOW DASH: "I gotta say, you look terrible in a trench coat. Don't ever wear it again."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Not goin' into alleyways again, either. Too much trouble."

RAINBOW DASH: "Yeah. I'm sorry for that, and for the black eyes you're gonna have."

GILDA GRIFFON: "And I'm sorry for making myself such easy bait. Next time Scoots says 'Let's play gangsters!' I'm grounding her."

RAINBOW DASH: "Heh. It was kinda because of her that I came to see you tonight."


RAINBOW DASH: "Yeah. She's got nothing but good to say about you, and… it's kinda hard to stay mad at you when you've got someone like the kid talking you up like some big hero."

GILDA GRIFFON: "She says the same about you, y'kow."

RAINBOW DASH: "Guess we owe her an apology, huh?"

GILDA GRIFFON: "She likes bumper haycarts."

RAINBOW DASH: "Sounds fun. Just as long as I'm not the one pulling the cart. Those bumper suits are hot."

GILDA GRIFFON: "One-two-three, not-it."


GILDA GRIFFON: *chortling* "Consider it payback. After that you can take me and her out for ice cream."

RAINBOW DASH: "Heh. Guess I'm stuck then."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Yep. Not lettin' ya squeeze outta this one, Dash." *GILDA GRIFFON holds up her claw. RAINBOW DASH slaps her hoof into the palm.*

RAINBOW DASH: "Wouldn't dream of it."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Now kiiiiiiiiss.]

RAINBOW DASH: "It's good to have you back G. I missed ya."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Heh. Sap. Missed you, too. Glad you finally came to your senses."

*Keys rattle again as REVOLVING DOOR opens the door to the holding cells with a hyperactive SCOOTALOO jumping up and down on his back. Moments later, she leaps at the bars to the cell and holds up a box of candybars.*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: At least, I hope they're candybars.]

SCOOTALOO: "Dash! Gilda! Here, quick! Hide these in your wings so the policeponies won't find them! I found a bunch of candy you can smuggle in to trade with the prison rats so you won't up someone's—"


*This recorder spits a pencil she'd been chewing on across the room in surprise. Nopony seems to notice.*

GILDA GRIFFON: "Finish that sentence and you are SO grounded, little girl."
*Sergeant LICKETY-SPLIT arrives and takes them away.*

SCOOTALOO: "But, I was just tryin' to help! You can trade them for protection on the inside!"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Keep going the way you're going and I'll tell Rainbow Dash not to take us out for ice cream."

*SCOOTALOO presses both forehooves against her mouth almost immediately.*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: To be honest, those stale candy bars in the vending machine would be pretty good if you had to defend yourself. Additional: I am going to hug this little filly until she squeaks. Look at her wiggle with excitement!]

LICKETY-SPLIT: "I'm sorry, dearies. I don't know where she learned such things."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Oh, I've got an idea, and she's not gonna be watching any more gangster movies for a good, long while."

SCOOTALOO: *with hooves in mouth* "Mmph!"

GILDA GRIFFON: "Nope. Not gonna budge on this one. And don't even think about goin' to Uncle Harry behind my back."


GILDA GRIFFON: "What? What's funny."

RAINBOW DASH: "Nothing. Mom." *snicker*

GILDA GRIFFON: *spluttering and turning an interesting shade of red* "I-I'm, no! I'm not her mom!"

LICKETY-SPLIT: "I remember taking the same tone with my own little boy when he was that age. Oh, that takes me back." *wistful sighing*

RAINBOW DASH: "I think you'd be perfect for the job, G." *snicker*


SCOOTALOO: "You'd be the coolest mom I could ever have, Gilda!"

GILDA GRIFFON: "You're not helping!"

OL' SWEEPY: "You c'n be mhy momma, pretty lady!"


[RECORDER'S NOTE: I didn't know you could blush through feathers.]

*SILVER SHIELD and BLUE LINE enter through the open door. REVOLVING DOOR pushes past them while muttering about 'crazy winged things'. FRESH FACE'S fat face is peering around the corner.*

BLUE LINE: "Well. Despite my misgivings I have good news and bad news. No, you don't get to guess because I'm washing my hooves of it as soon as I get out of here. Apparently the whole department thinks all three of you are just darling, and have decided that they want to help despite my own misgivings and such things as 'the law'."

GILDA GRIFFON: "Great! Maybe then these dippy ponies will stop wanting me to be their mother."

RAINBOW DASH: *hugs Gilda* "But why wub woo momma!"

BLUE LINE: "…Shield, you take over. I've had enough today. Lickety-Split? I'm following your example and getting myself a sundae, then I'm going to drown myself in a root beer float and I don't care what my doctor says about my ulcer. I'll need the key to your ice cream cabinet. It's in your desk, right? Good. I'm clocking out of this crazy house. Shield? Good luck with this idiocy. You're not getting any help from me. Fresh Face, the only reason I haven't put your [REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED OH MY GOODNESS REDACTED] and your fat, oily face through a wall is because your father's the chief. Now, if you don't get out of my way I will forget that. And stop goggling at Miss Griffon."

*Door slams as BLUE LINE exits. This recorder gets a good, long look at his firm, toned rump as he storms down the hallway.*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Have janitor clean up puddle of drool on floor before someone slips on it.]


SILVER SHIELD: "A sign that I need to check my brother into therapy as soon as possible. And don't you ever say that again."

LICKETY-SPLIT: "We could also find him a good mare."

[RECORDER'S NOTE: Meeeeeee!]

FRESH FACE: "I uh… wow. Am I that bad?"


SILVER SHIELD: "Yes. Now, here's how I think things can work out for everyone involved."



[RECORDER'S NOTE: The recording ends here. SILVER SHIELD's plan will not be recorded due to the possibility of incriminating a gorgeous hunk of love muffin. Let the record state instead that it is brilliant, it is wonderful, and cannot possibly fail. Let the record also show that I can be attracted to things besides his toned chest or rippling flanks or chiseled jaw and am not just a shallow mare who only wants stallions for their incredible bodies. Far from it. I also love SILVER SHIELD's huge, throbbing intelligence as well.

…I really need to get the janitor in here. The drool puddle is getting quite large.

Further events were not recorded and will not be submitted as evidence. More than likely neither will these records, which will probably end up being purged. But you know what? I don't mind. I think we're doing something good here, helping these three. I learned a lot, too. On this note, I conclude this file and am going to find that stud SILVER SHIELD to help get his beautiful brother calmed down so maybe I can ask them both out on a date.]

*This recorder notices a light and looks out at window, then at clock. Time reads 01:58 AM. Dawn is breaking so soon?*

[RECORDER'S NOTE: I can't be the only one seeing this. It's way too early for it to start getting light out. SILVER SHIELD? SILVER SHIELD hold me! Protect me with your masculine muscles of hotness!]
Part 10 of 12 of the Secret Tub Fun Series.

Also titled: "Rainbow Dash and Gilda Go To Jail."

Any references to actual police procedure are done for comedy and are not meant to be taken for actual police procedure. This is ponies, not humans.

Ending what began in Secret Tub Fun 5 are the events of tonight, where Rainbow and Gilda have gotten themselves arrested for a number of things. The following takes place within the premises of Ponyville Police Department's Interrogation Rooms 1 through 3 at various times.

Special thanks to DCNinja and Cheddah for their unflagging help.
Add a Comment:
wookiepoetry Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
oh god.. just... wow...

that was good
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2012
Sorry it took so long to get back to you. The last few weeks have been crazy.

I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Despite how long it took, and some of the controversy it stirred with my friendly editors, this one was fun to write. I've not had this much fun since Number 6.

I'm sorry 11 is taking so long. Once things wind down, I'll be sure to get back to it.
madman12000 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
Haha, comedy of follies. Redacting all over the place. "I mean, jeez! I'm pretty progressive about interspecies dating, but a pony and a bear? That's just… all kinds of hot. Mmm." I laughed exceptionally hard at that line.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012
This, for all its other faults, was so much fun to write. :D
archmagejay Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012
Thank you so much for providing this fail safe story that can always brighten my day (or should I say night since it's after midnight) even when I'm rather depressed. So thank you so much. =D
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
Anytime, friend. :)
Team-Friction Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
Lickety Split. A pony featured in the episode Secret of my Excess.

You crafty bastard... Well played.

Please don't ask how I managed to remember her.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
She was actually from one of the original series! I think she was from G1, even, and had an ice cream addiction.

The little colt could easily be her son/grandson, which the original is also supposed to have had, and shared a name with. <:E

Though I may be getting my facts wrong. It's been a while.
bhgiant Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012
I applaud your expertise. I avoid Gilda stories because... well, because she's always a mobster or a criminal or an idiot of some unforgivable manner. When I saw it was Guilda I was like "Well at least RD is in it." But you turned the story on me! I enjoyed Gilda more than Dash! I will admit, I had to stretch my imagination a little to make the situation with Dash and Gilda play out the way you wrote it (she was stealing... and she was a complete arse, to everyone, without reason... I can understand being under a lot of stress but a decent individual would recognize that kind of behavior in themselves and try to change it, or at least apologize/show remorse... and she yelled at Fluttershy... there is a heavy ransom to be paid for making Fluttershy cry...) but my imagination stretched and I did fine.

Dash was a bit too timid and Gilda a bit too harsh in their exchange but it fit. Dash I imagine has gotten a bit softer from her time in ponyville while Gilda would be much tougher due to the adversity she had. You did a good job of communicating the emotional tension and relief between them as well. When they finally hugged, I could literally feel the wave of relief and comfort that swept over them.

Blah blah blah, anyway. TL;DR version, I enjoyed it, Gilda is now best pony, you amaze me.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012
In here she's still a bit of all of those. :V Gets to play mobster, is an actual criminal, though she's not really an idiot. Eh. Two out of three ain't bad?

I had to do a lot of stretching myself, and most of that was the trap I wrote myself into way back in STF 5. This one wouldn't work without that one. Probably still doesn't. Oh well.

At least I got Jelly Donut out of it.

The make-up scene was the hardest to write. I ended up redoing the whole thing from scratch like five times before I was halfway satisfied, and even now I'm not sure I did as good of a job as I could have, but I think it's the best that could be done, so I'm not sad. It got what I was trying to say more or less, if your post is anything to go by.

I know this is a long time coming, and my reply's kinda self-centered. Thank you for reading, sir. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Nova225 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
>two counts of interrupting a citizen while engaged in ablutions
>"It's an old law.
-Heh. Not the weirdest ‘old law’ I have ever seen. ;)
One that I always remember is : Illegal to eat Pudding, after 22:00, on a Friday.

>[RECORDER'S NOTE: Ehehehe. 'Butter-Boy'. It's funny because he's fat.]
-This ‘’recorder’’ doesn’t seem like the brightest light around here ?
(Also, is she invisible, for nopony to even notice her ?)

>Nobody wears clothes, so you've gotta be some kinda pervo to pull that off.
-I think it’s mostly a question of ‘intentional’ VS ‘non-intentional’, really.

>A&W's Finest Root Beer Float.
-‘Float’... That’s the one with ice cream in it, right ? I once had 1, it was ok... not a big fan of root beer’s taste.

>[RECORDER'S NOTE: Shhh… shhh… Don't worry, Blue Line. I'll make it all better. Just you wait.]
-Speaking of ‘’Creeeeepyyyyy’’...

>"Yeah, but it doesn't feel like a cave. My buddy Harry fixed it up so nice it feels more like a house.
-She lives with Harry the Bear ? Sounds like the beginning of a new TV series ;).

>GILDA GRIFFON: "He's her uncle, I think. An old friend of her family. No idea how that happened."
-Scootaloo seems to really have some quite odd family members and friends. But, ‘odd’ can be good too.

>SCOOTALOO: "…are they gonna fight again?"
>Oh my gosh I want to hug her.
-Scoota-hug, everypony ! :)

>RAINBOW DASH: "Guess we owe her an apology, huh?"
>GILDA GRIFFON: "She likes bumper haycarts."
-You know... it’s a somewhat amusing / happy-hurray moment, right there. With the whole ‘’2 kinda sisters/family-like going to buy a gift to young pony’’ thing. :)

>GILDA GRIFFON: *chortling* "Consider it payback. After that you can take me and her out for ice cream."
-Awwww... It’s like those shows with those ‘’unusual family’’, that are ‘’a bit strange’’ but all good and happy together. :)

>"Keep going the way you're going and I'll tell Rainbow Dash not to take us out for ice cream."
>*SCOOTALOO presses both forehooves against her mouth almost immediately.*
-Well, story is getting pretty family-friendly around, now. :)

>GILDA GRIFFON: *spluttering and turning an interesting shade of red* "I-I'm, no! I'm not her mom!"
-Awkward cute family-like time, Go! ;)


Quite a ‘’strange’’ part, but with a kind of ‘’strange’’ that is somewhat funny, and pretty happy-adorable at times (especially near the end). The idea of having ‘Harry the Bear’ as Scootaloo’s Uncle, and Gilda and RD as kinda-sisters/surrogate parental figures was a pretty odd one, but again... a kind of ‘’odd’’ that I wouldn’t mind at all seeing in more stories. :)
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012
-This ‘’recorder’’ doesn’t seem like the brightest light around here ? (Also, is she invisible, for nopony to even notice her ?)
--> Nope! She's actually standing next to Fresh Face and Lickety-Split for most of the narrative, with the exception of the scene in the holding cells. She just never speaks except through notes in the transcription. It's kinda funny to think that everyone's ignoring the crazy unicorn scribbling on a notepad.

-I think it’s mostly a question of ‘intentional’ VS ‘non-intentional’, really.
--> Possibly. I just thought it was funny.

-‘Float’... That’s the one with ice cream in it, right ? I once had 1, it was ok... not a big fan of root beer’s taste.
--> No accounting for taste, then. :P
--> Lickety-Split drinks it more because she's addicted to ice cream than anything.

-Scootaloo seems to really have some quite odd family members and friends. But, ‘odd’ can be good too.
--> She lives in Ponyville. Odd is the norm.

-Scoota-hug, everypony!
--> Hugs!

-Well, story is getting pretty family-friendly around, now.
--> And they all lived happily ever after. Once Gilda and Rainbow finish their community service.

It was fun, and I tried (at the constant urging of one of my proofreaders) to make the ending as happy as possible, especially once they make up. I was a bit surprised there wasn't a comment about the ponies suddenly turning into pottymouths.

Hmm... It might be time to post 'Burlap'.
Nova225 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012
You're gonna post a piece of a woven fabric usually made from skin of the jute plant ? ;)
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012
'Tis a story I wrote for EqD! It's a light fluff piece about the main six getting into a burping contest. I didn't post it here because I can't figure out how to make the words bigger.
anzul Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012
"Meeeeeee" ahahhahahahaha this was fucking awessome!!!seriously! XD

and dat ending... what could have happen in those 2 hours? O_o!?
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012
You'll just have to wait until STF 12 to find out. :)
anzul Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012

-sol tyranis does sounds badass
-gilda as scootaloo mom`s is the cutest thig ever!
-MORE JELLY DONUT, make a journal when your friend writes the story ;)
-hex-box... as x box?
-i always though that pool was drool... my brain... XD
WaypointBravo Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012
That was so wonderfully awkward. Scoots was the most adorable thing ever, even when she was making monocles pop. Especially then. I woke up the dog laughing about the donkeys and shanks.

I have to say I cringed when I got two sentences in and realized it was yet another "Gilda is a delinquent" story, and the fact that your writing has been amazing so far is chiefly why I bothered reading on. So I was pleasantly surprised when she not only didn't wind up being some kind of bloodthirsty cheese grater psycho like so much of the fanfiction seems to joy in making her, but she might have actually been the most respectable one in that mix-up. Yeah she's a toolbox and tremendous bitch, but Dash had to have seen something in her the first time around. So, thanks for that. Wish more writers would bother with that kind of nuance.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
Between Scootaloo and Jelly, this was my favorite part to write, after STF 6. But then, few bits I could write will top that one.

I'm glad you stuck around to finish! I'll admit that most of the nuance was unintentional, and was the result of sheer luck, but I'm not going to turn it down. Also, her being a toolbox has been explained in another comment as her having been put through hell by Dash's father, only to have her best friend reject her afterward. Luckily, they made up, so all is well again.

And Gilda as the psychotic bitchstick isn't fun, except as an antagonist, and here she had to play protagonist. That's the main reason for her retooling into a more responsible figure.
Charlesdeleroy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
*looks shifty* Gilda's hot... *zips out* ;3
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
She kinda is. :V
Haissan Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
there was no bathtub...

also is solar flare making her appearance?
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
There was a bathtub alluded to in there. Mayor Mare's bathtub, more precisely. There's also a law against interrupting ponies in the tub.

And possibly, though I've taken a shine to the name 'Sol Tyrannis'.
Haissan Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
THat works too, the word Nightmare does not work for Celestia since she is the Mare of the Day...
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
Mm hmm. Also, the name just sounds kickass.
Haissan Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
does she wear a full body suit and workboots?
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012
Probably not.
pos210 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
Gets awesome in 3...2...1...
DiscoLeprekawn Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
Good god, the recorder was a masterstroke!
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
She is my favorite part of the story. :D
DiscoLeprekawn Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
And mine. Her comments just made the whole thing so much funnier. Fantastic work, as always!
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
Thank you, sir! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
AotrsCommander Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
An unusual, but otherwise highly amusing installment. I am not in the least a fan of Gilda (in fact, I generally steer well away from anything involving), so that you managed to nearly make me tolerate her is something of an achievement. (I also reas this coming straight after reading the latest chapter of Andrew Joshua Talon's Beating the Heat, so the innuendo seemed strangely appropriate...!)

Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to the next one.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
Writing this has caused Gilda to grow on me (it's those eyeshadow feathers, I swear) just a little, not that she wasn't pretty neat before.

Thanks! The next one should be a remake of STF 1.

Also: I've never read that one. What's it about?
Deltathewolf Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
Part that made me laugh the most:

SCOOTALOO: "Me and Gilda are totally best buds! She's so cool, and my Uncle Harry thinks she's got a sweet [REDACTED], even if I haven't ever seen her with a donkey before. Are donkeys sweet?"

LICKETY-SPLIT: *gulping heavily from her flask* "They uh… usually are."

SCOOTALOO: "Cool! Maybe I should tell Miss Twilight, then. Because everyone says hers is tight. Maybe Gilda's [REDACTED] could give Miss Twilight's [REDACTED] some tips on loosening up, and not be so uptight about everything."

Part that made me Dawwww' the most:


GILDA GRIFFON: "What? What's funny."

RAINBOW DASH: "Nothing. Mom." *snicker*

GILDA GRIFFON: *spluttering and turning an interesting shade of red* "I-I'm, no! I'm not her mom!"

Congratulations, Welcome to Costco (I love you.)

Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
After Jelly Donut, Scootaloo was the most fun to write. I imagined her as cheerfully oblivious the whole time.

Also: Gilda denying she'd be Scoots' mom? That was what made you d'awww most? :V
Deltathewolf Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
That, and the bundle of hearwarming that went with it in that general area of the story, yes.

And oblivious expletives are the best.

Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
Totally are.
Hubristic-Phantasm Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
Owowow emotional whiplash from those last few lines! No joke, my thought process did something along the lines of "Squeeeetheylikeeachotheragainyayforhappyendi- WHAT."

Anyway, AWESOME job (I think I woke the rest of the house with my stifled laughter) and I can't wait for the next installment!
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
Thank ya, sir! Happy to hear you liked it. :)

As well, the ending for this one hasn't quite been written. The chapter's done but the story won't really end until STF 12 (though I think I should have followed the advice of some other commentors and turned it into a separate arc. Oh well.) which will also wrap up others.

Thanks for reading!
Haissan Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
I was thinking that silver said you get off if you get me off... and took rainbow and guilda for a ride...but in the presence of scoots?
Cirdec Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
"[RECORDER'S NOTE: Now kiiiiiiiiss.]"
I am laughing SO FUCKING HARD at all of this. Jelly Donut is now best OC. I would read an entire series of her recordings of police interrogations.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
Jelly Donut was a blast</i>. Even if nothing else came out of writing this story, I got to write her. I wouldn't mind doing it again, either!

Unfortunately, there's the rest of STF to write, so even if I did it'd be a while before I could. Luckily, a friend of mine wants to try his hand at it, and I'm gonna help!

Dat ending isn't over yet! Nothing truly ends until STF 12.
chickenflippers Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
Huh... what's this strange feeling in my chest? Oh god, my heart's melting from all that D'aww you've put into scootaloo :) This isn't the first time that's happened though...(STF 8)
I personally dislike Gilda and RD overall, rendering me from fully enjoying the new chapter.
I found this chapter, like every other one in this series, to be disturbing, hilarious, and heartwarming.
I was a bit disturbed with Gilda's rant towards RD in the jail cell.
And as confirmed by the previous comments, it looks like psycho Celest is back... hurray? D:
One last thing... I don't suppose we'll ever get a mayor mare/ Derpy Hooves STF, am I right?
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012
Gilda's grown on me recently, especially after writing this. I'm putting it down to those lovely eyeshadow feathers, but other factors may be at work.

Scootaloo was almost as much fun to write as Jelly Donut, with her earnest and naive descriptions of things. The whole time I was imagining her with this great big goofy little kid smile while she said such horrible things as [REDACTED].

Also: Disturbing?

Additional Also: I have planned to do a Derpy Hooves STF, but whether or not the Mayor shows up is debatable.
chickenflippers Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2012
I think I was referring to Celestia's STF, pretty freaky stuff in that story.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2012
Yeah. And there's more to come yet.

And if I ever get my adventure series started? Even more.
Nun2artzy Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Student Digital Artist
My brain is full of 'WHAT'
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
That can't be healthy for you. :O
Nun2artzy Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Student Digital Artist
"I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor; I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor; I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor-"

"Oh, oh, oh- I'm a tumor."

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