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General Brony by DracoDei

Writing by PsychoDemonFox

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
February 25, 2011
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8.0 KB


8,149 (1 today)
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Pinkie's lips were dry and cracked. Her mane was a tangled, matted mess slick with sweat and body soil, and sticky in places from where she'd run her hooves through it. One of her hooves was developing a split; a little painful, but not terribly so, yet. She'd have to get it looked at once this was over. She stared bleary-eyed at the edge of the tub where her work lay, finally finished, and licked a bit of blood from a cut on her foreleg.

"It's taken every bit you've been able to save for the last three months to do this, Pinkie Pie. Three months of extra shifts, double-time parties, and… a-a little book-cooking." She bit her lip and looked away from the tub. She felt horrible about that, even if it was only for an extra bit here and there to help out. It felt wrong. It was wrong, but she needed the money. She had to hope it was worth it.

She sat alone in the empty room she'd rented from Lotus, only the huge tub and its contents for company. She'd sent Gummy away earlier; he didn't need to see this. It… it was too much. Almost too much even for her strong stomach. The smell was overpowering, sickly-sweet, with a sticky quality to it. It stuck in the nose and mouth, making everything taste like it. Pinkie took a few steadying breaths and coughed to clear her throat. "Snap out of it, Pinkie. This is what you wanted, right?"

Pinkie stared down at Twilight's picture in the photo book sitting next to her and let out a relieved sigh. It was done. Over. This whole business needed only one thing before she could go home. She drew a big 'X' over Twilight's picture in red pen. Around it were more 'X's, each one over a picture of one of her friends, or someone she knew. "Just one last…" she said, rubbing her hoof over her own picture.

She smacked her lips, then grabbed a nearby pitcher of water and drained it. She then turned to the heater below the tub and double-checked the temperature. The dial had long ago been caked over, but she knew it was still where she'd left it. It was the perfect temperature for ponies. "Alright, Pinkie. You can do this." She took another, deeper breath and let it out in a shaky, giddy exhalation, then tucked her knives back into their case and rolled it closed. She wished she had someone to share it with, now, but no one was left to share it with. This wasn't the kind of thing you shared, anyway; this was her responsibility and hers alone.

"No more waiting, Pinkie Pie… It's time to face what you've done." Three days of non-stop work; biting, sawing, stripping, slicing, shredding. Lying, conniving, hiding. Stealing. All of it done for this one perfect moment.

She pulled from a bottle of cider. Deep breathing wasn't going to steady her nerves. All it did was get more of that cloying smell caught in her lungs. She shook as the lukewarm alcohol burned dully in her stomach, using her anxiousness as fuel. "No more waiting." The words became a mantra. "Let's go." She shuffled unsteadily to her feet, exhaustion weighing on her muscles, and walked solemnly up the steps to the top of the tub. As she walked out onto the little diving board she'd set up, her heart began to hammer in her chest. Tears came to her eyes and fell onto the wood in a steady drip.

"My friends… thank you. For everything you've done for me," she sobbed, scrubbing at her face.

The ground was made of one part hot fudge, three parts caramel, and one part whipped cream. The roads were made of chocolate sprinkles carefully laid down to resemble cobblestone and dusted gently with cinnamon. Gingerbread buildings decorated with gumdrops and vanilla icing sprouted up between them, surrounded by green licorice grass. Blue gummi, heated to a liquid state, made up the lake and filled the marzipan fountain in the town square.

Rarity's boutique was a dazzling creation of licorice allsorts pulled apart and pasted together with thin layers of icing. Every single one of them had to be individually balanced to capture the fashionista's beautiful home, and she was certain that she'd done it just right. The whole thing was topped with a light dusting of powdered sugar, and a small, marshmallow Rarity sat inside the door with a smiling gummi Bon-Bon trying on her new marzipan dress, while mint imperial Lyra looked on with a bright smile on her face.

Up above, Rainbow Dash was napping in her cloudhouse made of cotton candy propped up on sugar glass, dreaming little gummi dreams about impressing the jujube Wonderbolts, who were just outside her door, debating who would get the honor of knocking on her door and inviting her to join them.

Twilight's gingerbread library sat toward the edge of the main plaza, with marshmallow leaves covering the upper branches. Princess Celestia, a miniature version anyway, was curled up with Twilight on the balcony and reading a book to a napping Spike made of pressed grape puree. Twilight's horn sparkled with dewdrop bits of sugar, and was nestled against Celestia's almond marzipan breast.

Sweet Apple Acres was a sprawling expanse of caramel and fudge, with chocolate trees scattered thickly across the lot. Winona, a wine gum, was barking at marshmallow chickens and cows. Applejack and Big Mac, a pair of candied apples carved into their likenesses, were struggling to pull a caramel Caramel out of a caramel mudhole he'd fallen into.

The Candy Cutie Mark Crusaders, along with raspberry Snips and blackberry Snails, were chasing each other through the middle of town. The boys were trying to catch the girls, who had stolen their homework and were carrying it in their mouths. Mayor Mare and Miss Cheerilee, both wine gums made with aged brandy and port respectively, were tearing after them, trying to stop them from running into Old Sweepy's chocolate mousse fertilizer cart and knocking it over onto a bickering treacle tart Trixie and gummi Gilda.

Fluttershy was snuggled in among a mob of tiny marshmallow bunnies, all trying to get at the tiny bundle of candy-coated carrots in her mouth. She was trying to patiently hand them out, but they were being stolen one by one by the hungry horde. Her house, behind her, was a green-frosted mound of fudge and brownie with a cupcake center. A lone maraschino sat inside, presided over by marshmallow Angel.

Sugarcube Corner was made out of pure sugar, with each layer beautifully crafted to resemble her home in intimate detail. The windows were also made of sugar glass, and were framed by mint icing. The Cakes, made of angel food, were busily preparing more confections inside, with powdered sugar 'flour' everywhere.
Above it all sat the Moon, carved out of a single white jawbreaker. Luna danced across its pockmarked surface, her licorice hooves tapping along a crater. Her hair billowed around her in ethereal waves of finely spun sugar as a pecan fudge Dr. Whoof twirled her in circles.

"It's… it's so beautiful!" cried Pinkie through a smile that brushed her ears. "I almost didn't think I could do it. But I did, and it's, it's beyond words." She plucked a small pink gummi pony out of her hair and placed it gently on top of Sugarcube Corner. "There. Now it's complete." She sat down and dabbed at her eyes with a rag.

Pinkie Pie could feel all the energy she'd spent over the last three days rushing back to her, banishing her exhaustion and bringing color back to her cheeks. Her smile crooked at the edges as she surveyed the candy model of Ponyville. All this work, for One. Perfect. Moment. Rearing up on her hindlegs, she beat her hooves against her chest and leapt off of the end of the diving board. She hung in mid-air for a half-second; long enough to give her one last look at her doomed creation before she landed, and let out a primal bellow she'd learned from watching some of Twilight's old monster movies.

Part 4 of the Secret Tub Fun series! Now with 100% more Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie's time has come. Everything she's worked for, everything she's sacrificed, has come to a head. She's finished off every pony else in Ponyville. The only one left is her.
Add a Comment:
BoneSatellite Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
What an ending. At least it was 100% Pinkie Pie.

From now on, whenever I think of Trixie, I will think of a treacle tart.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Not a bad thing to think about, except now I want one.
BookishDelight Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012   Writer
So I've been running around pony fandom for a week and a lightbulb went on in my head which said I should get back to reading these

Short but literally sweet! I had a feeling there was darkfic-parody afoot, but I did NOT see Pink Godzilla coming, and there's always room for tokusatsu references in my universe! You do a great job of building up the suspense until the last second, allowing the final sentence to be the proverbial balloon-popping pin.

...of course, a year-plus later, with Season 2 almost over, this is now so in character for Pinkie it almost appears mundane. :D Still excellent, though.
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. New glasses take a while to get used to.

It's great to hear you're working through the rest of the series! Hopefully by the time you finish the rest, I'll have the rewrite of STF 1 finished and ready for you, too. :)

This was meant to parody 'Cupcakes', or its aftermath, or whatever, way back when 'Cupcakes' was still a thing, and was a straight up hoot to write, especially the last line. Though, I had wanted to end it differently, to sync up with my proposed ending for 12, but I like this one a lot more!

But I'm babbling. Thank you for reading! :D
BookishDelight Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012   Writer
No worries on all counts!

I've never read Cupcakes; only heard the lore. Paid my dues with terrible shockfic back in the early 00s and I have no interest in doing so again. But I will always condone well-done satire of such material. :D
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
Ehehe. I remember those early shockfics. Somehow I keep falling for them.
Haissan Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
oh wow, something like that, just for her to live out that one fantasy...remarkable
Lawn-Pygmy Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012
Pinkie's a driven gal.
Rowan193 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012
I saw the description, and thought "Okay, that's to make me think it's a Cupcakes thing. It's not going to be that, there's no need to panic"

A third of the way in, I was terrified.

I got better.
Manzo1239 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012
this was so fucking adorable and fits pinkie's personality perfectly. You sir are an artist
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