She Blinded Me With Science, 1

"Dear Diary,

"You would have loved to see Twilight Sparkle in action today. I've always known she was brave and heroic and smart, but I never really knew how much of a hero she was until I saw her charge that monster! Even after being smushed, squashed, stung, and running halfway across the Everfree Forest to find Fluttershy, she still saved me not once but TWICE! It was AMAZING! I was scared stiff by the hydra, but Twilight whooshed back and got me, saving me from certain eatedness! And then, she did the same for Spike, and THEN, as if THAT wasn't enough, she charged that big ugly monster so that we could get away! Oh my gosh it was the coolest thing I've ever see! And I've been around Dash for YEARS! It was like, PYOOM! 'You can't have my friends!' And she charged in like a superhero! I felt bad for not helping out, but I couldn't stop shaking the whole time. I wasn't sure if it was 'cause of my Pinkie Sense or that hydra or 'cause I was scared Twilight was gonna get eaten. I couldn't do anything except shake and shiver and hope that everything was gonna be okay.

"AND IT WAS!

"She jumped over the gorge, landed on a big bubble, and then PCHOOOO weeOOOOO CRASH, she was safe! My heart's never pounded so much! Well, except when we all jumped together and Twilight hugged me~ Oooooh! Now diary, you can't say this to anypony, buuuuut… I never did tell her what the real doozy was back there. It wasn't her believing me about my Pinkie Sense, though that was really surprising. No, it was when I realized that, and you gotta promise not to tell, it was when I realized that I was in love with Twilight Sparkle."

---

Pinkie giggled and pressed her bright red cheek against the page next to Twilight's name. "Oh Twilight, you were so awesome~ If you weren't there, we'd all have been hydra chow." Giggling, she pressed a kiss to the page and mushed her lips all around it to make sure she got it all. "Mmmmmwah~" Her tail wiggled back and forth as she started covering the page in pictures of Twilight's face surrounded by hearts, with tiny Pinkie Pies curled up on them. She closed the book halfway through scribbling a comic and hugged it to her chest. "This was the best day ever, diary." With a happy sigh, she closed her eyes and let her mind wander.

Flashes of the day's events flitted through her head. She could see Twilight following her around, which was funny and cute, especially how eager she was to prove her wrong, even if she did get hurt a little in the process. Weird how that had happened… She remembered volunteering to carry Twilight home after she'd collapsed on the cliff path. It felt so good to be useful to her, and Twilight's soft warmth on her back felt even better. She laughed and hugged the book tighter. Then she remembered how haggard her friend had looked the entire time. The pinched cheeks, the tousled mane, the mud and cuts everywhere, and especially that distant look in her eyes at the end when she gave in and told her she believed in 'Pinkie Sense'. Did she really mean it when she said that? Or was Twilight just humoring her? The letter she sent to Princess Celestia said she did, yeah, but... Pinkie Pie wondered.

Pinkie sighed and buried her nose in the book, her heart sinking slowly. "I bet Twilight still thinks I'm just a great big lump of fluff and nonsense. I know how much she wanted to be right, to make some sense of my Pinkie Sense." She smiled and nuzzled the cover. "It was so awesome watching her do all that science, especially since I got to be a part of it! I wish I could help her, diary, but she's such an amazing smartyperson, and I'm…" Her heart sank again, lower this time. "Pinkie. I'm no good at math or science or magic, and I never did finish school all the way." She rolled over onto her stomach and sprawled on her bed to stare miserably at her wall-mirror. "I bet Twilight's got about a hundred degrees in everything. Maybe even a doctor's degree. She does have that big lab coat. And she still keeps saying she's got a bunch to learn." Another sighed rolled past her lips. "I wonder if I'll ever be as smart and brave as her."

Pinkie's eyes closed again. Of course she wouldn't ever be super-smart, not without a smartness pill or something. She wondered if Twilight could do it. Probably, since she had all that neat science stuff in her basement. Maybe if she fiddled with the brain scan doohickey, she could.

A thought pinged somewhere in the back of her mind. "Could she?" She rolled onto her side and curled around her diary. "If I were smart like Twilight, would she like me back?" Her lips gummed the edge of the diary's binding as thoughts swirled through her head. "Aha! I've got a plan!" She rolled back onto her stomach with a whoop and hastily scribbled on the inside cover of the book, outlined the plan in pink pen, kissed it, and then snapped it shut. "Now all I have to do is go see her!"


***


Twilight groaned as she surveyed the desk in her basement. Piles of notes overflowed their organizer bins and spilled out onto the two-dozen books she'd stacked there, which warred for space with a small mountain of printouts with meaningless wobbly lines all over them. The drawers were straining to hold the extra pieces of a magical model she hadn't finished, which was sitting on top of the mountain of junk like it was a throne and laughing at her. "Fat lot of good this did. I didn't find a single clue as to how that pink fluffball works." She gathered up the printouts and tore them in half, then deposited them neatly in a nearby wastebin. "Not a single whiff of a shred of a piece of a clue. Nothing that could point me in the right direction." The model said nothing, but Twilight frowned up at it. "What? I know I said I believe her. I've got a whole day's worth of evidence to show that there IS something going on, that Pinkie DOES have some kind of ability, I just don't know what. Yes, I know I'm talking to an inanimate object, so be quiet and listen."

Her horn sparkled and the books hovered around her as one part of her mind sorted through them and arranged them by section and number for when she had to return them. "I'm probably overthinking this. It's probably a lot simpler than I'm making it out to be. I just need another angle, more data. Then I might be closer to an answer." She looked over at the cobbled together arcanocephalograph she'd had Pinkie Pie sitting in and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… If I could get her to—No. No, I'm going to let this one sit for a while. I have other projects to finish, anyway, and I'm tired. Let's just take care of this mess and go see what Spike's making for dinner." She turned back to the mess of notes and lifted them into the air with a flick of her horn. The air was soon filled with the sound of fluttering paper as she quickly scanned each page and sent it to the correct bin.

"HI TWILIGHT!" Pinkie shouted and leapt onto her friend's back. Paper and books flew everywhere as the startled unicorn flailed around. "GAH! PINKIE! How did you get into my laboratory!?" she snapped, glaring at the pink earth pony.

"Through the door, silly!" Pinkie beamed at her friend. "How else would I get in?"

Twilight looked up at the door, then back at Pinkie with a flat stare. "You mean my locked door? With the pass-code system and the key which I keep with me at all times? That door?"

"The very same!"

Twilight looked around at the flurry of papers still filtering down to the floor. "…of course you did," she said with a dreary sigh. "Look, Pinkie, I don't have time to play right now. I've got a lot of things to do before I eat dinner, alright? And could you please get off of me? You're kind of heavy."
Pinkie hopped down from her back with a sheepish look. "Whoops, sorry Twilight." She fidgeted for a moment and watched Twilight turn back to the pile of papers on the floor. "Um, do you need any help with that?"

Twilight shook her head and lifted the papers again. "No, I'm fine, Pinkie. I just need to finish this. Since you're here, you may as well go tell Spike to set an extra place for you." Papers flew back to the bins and arranged themselves into neat stacks.

But Pinkie didn't move. She fidgeted in place, unsure of where to put her hooves. Twilight looked back over her shoulder and frowned. "Go on, I'll be up in a little bit."

Pinkie opened her mouth and lifted a hoof, then closed it, thinking. "Actually, I came because I needed a favor. It's kind of a big one."

"No, I'm not going to give you more lawn darts. Not after you nearly impaled the weather team trying to see if they'd work on clouds. And I need my catapult model back," Twilight said boredly. "I have a ballistics experiment I'm working on, so please clean the frog slime off of it before you return it."

"But Cloud Darts would be an amazing game! Just think of all the fun we could have popping clouds like balloons!" She bit her lip and crouched slightly. "But, I'm not here about that, either. This is something a lot bigger than cloud darts, and it's something only you can do."

Twilight sighed and tucked the last of her notes into the bins, then sealed them. "Alright, Pinkie. What is it?" She turned around slowly, then jumped back a step when she found Pinkie Pie's face a half inch from her own.

"Twilight," she said, her ears flat and her blue eyes huge and pleading. "I need you to do a brain transplant on me."

---

"Dear Diary,

"I've been doing a lot of thinking today. I've been thinking about how much fun things are now, and how much I enjoy having everyone around, and how good cupcakes are. But mainly, I've been thinking about Twilight. I didn't realize how much she's done for our town until I actually sat down and counted it off. It took a while let me tell you, Diary. She's defeated a cranky Ursa Minor, and gave me and everyone tickets to the Gala (which was SO AWESOME of her), and worked really hard on trying to make sure Apple Bloom was okay after she got sick eating blackprickle berries . And she did all that lifting when the big storm flooded out parts of Ponyville and logs were everywhere, and helped all those poor ponies get back into their homes.

"She helps out all over making sure things are working right. Hehehe~ it's funny watching her try to keep out of things and let everyone work, but she can't help lending a hoof or an idea. Yeah, it doesn't always work, like with the Parasprites and nearly eating the whole town, but that's okay. Everyone's already forgiven her for that, and I think it's sweet of her. Oh! I took a peek in her library a while ago, and she's already starting to write plans for this year's Winter Wrap-Up! Talk about organized! She even listens to me all the time when I go on these long tangents like you know the time when I was talking about how Gummy's such a better swimmer than Opal, but Rarity was talking about a new fabric she's working with? She didn't appreciate it too much when I tried to convince her. Oh well. I wonder if Spike would be up for a race? He seems like a good swimmer."

---

"You need me to do what?!" Twilight goggled at her friend, jaw falling open.
"A-A brain transplant! Or a smartness pill. Or maybe a thinking cap, or a brain-grow ray. Could you do it? Could ya?" Pinkie leaned forward and grinned hopefully at her.

Twilight closed her mouth and rubbed a hoof into her forehead. "First off, I'm not going to replace your brain with anything. It's fine right where it is. Second, there's no such thing as a smartness pill or a brain-grow ray and I don't know how to go about making one either. Lastly, why in Equestria would you need something like that?"

Pinkie sat back on her haunches and looked away. "Oh, uh… Nothing, Twilight." She chewed her lower lip for a moment. "Well, actually, I was thinking, maybe I could help you figure out how my Pinkie Sense works. If I was smarter, like you, then I bet I could do it in no time!" She bounced to her feet and smiled. "Or MAYBE I could help you with your sciencey stuff! Wouldn't that be GREAT?"

Twilight stared blankly at her for a long, silent moment. Pinkie helping her? With her side projects? Her stomach twisted at the thought of the energetic earth pony loose among so many fragile beakers and delicate instruments. Or running around and distracting her from work by replacing all the symbols in her equations with pictures of balloons and noisemakers. She shuddered to think of what an unleashed Pinkie could do to her private little world in the lab. "Pinkie, I…" She looked up at her and froze. Pinkie's smile was enormous, like always, but there was an edge to it, like it could fall and break if she said the wrong thing. She really wanted this, didn't she? "Pinkie… There isn't a magic answer to getting smarter. It takes a lot of hard work and study. I can't just zap your head and make you a genius, it takes time."

Pinkie's smile faded slightly, but was right back to full beam a second later. "Oh, well that's okay! Can I still help you with your experiments? I had so much fun the last time!" she chirped.

Twilight looked helplessly around for something to distract her with. There was nothing shiny at hoof to throw her off, and she didn't keep cupcakes in the lab. "Uh, um… M-maybe Applejack would like your help? She's got a really big farm, after all, and so many trees, and all those crates to fill."
Pinkie's smile faded entirely. "Oh. Well, okay Twilight. I'll go see if Applejack needs my help." She turned and walked, not bounced, toward the stairs. Some of the color seemed to fade from her coat as she left. Her mane and tail even started to uncurl, and didn't spring when she walked. Twilight watched her go for a full minute before she couldn't take it anymore. She could take a lot of things from Pinkie Pie, but not this.

"Wait," she called, trotting after her. She caught up in a quick canter and flung a white coat stained with a number of colors around Pinkie's shoulders. "If you're going to be my assistant, then you have to wear a lab coat. It's for your own safety and it's a good idea. And here." She levitated a pair of goggles from the wall and plopped them down over Pinkie's eyes. "Always wear eye protection when working in the laboratory, especially when working with dangerous chemicals or equipment, or volatile magicks."

Pinkie Pie's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and filled with misty tears. "Oh thankyouthankyouTHANK YOU TWILIGHT!" she cheered, throwing her forelegs around Twilight's neck and hugging her fiercely. "I'm gonna be the best assistant you've EVER HAD EVER! You won't be sorry!"

Twilight sighed and slumped tiredly in Pinkie's arms. Too late, she thought to herself.


***


"Dear Diary,

"I just have one word to say.

"YES!!!"